ALOCASIA — BAD BREAKUP POST 💔 I love my Alocasias so much, but it’s starting to feel like they’re a bad boyfriend that I keep taking back no matter what. In the past, when they’ve gotten sick, I’ve always applied the proper treatment and been patient and waited for them to come back around. When one of my favorites would die, I’d buy a new one and tell myself things would be different this time — *I* would be different, I’d be a better plant parent. I give and I give and I give… They’re so fussy and high-maintenance and I feel like I’m always nursing them and bringing them back to health or worried about what fungus they’re going to get or what pests and critters they’re going to bring into my home next. I’m always researching what disease might be affecting my beloved Alocasia, what’s causing it to droop, its leaves to yellow, or how to revive my darling, dying plant. Am I gaslighting myself or are my Alocasias gaslighting me? I don’t even know anymore. I think I’m about to give up on them for good. I think the last straw for me was when my Alocasia Jacklyn got spider mites and infected my beautiful prized Hoya Krohniana Black. It’s one thing to hurt me, but to hurt the ones that I love??? I tossed my Jacklyn (given name: “Jacqueline Kennedy,” because she was fahn-cy) and my Bambino (given name: “Dopey”) because I was so grossed out by the spider mites and mealybugs and horrified that they might spread to my other plants. I finally dumped my Polly (given name: “Dumbo”) after giving up all hope he would ever come back from the root rot or whatever was afflicting him. Still deciding what to do about my Alocasia Silver Dragon (given name: Daenerys) and Alocasia Black Velvet (given name: Jon Snow). I think me and my “bad boyfriend” are going to go on another break. I will not take him back, no matter how distinctive or stunning his foliage. I will not be seduced by his heart- or arrow-shaped leaves. I will not be fooled by his tuberous rhizomes and jagged edges. I will not be taken in by his many varieties. It’s YOU, it’s not me — and I will remind myself that the promise of deep green leaves, glossy shine, and prominent veins will only give way to heartbreak and disappointment. It’s over, for good. No, really. I *really* mean it this time. 👀 “There is nothing more painful in this world than to be in love with something that never can be.” - Laura Chouette "Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
